Episode Four. Sgt. Prestleton Falls in Love--The Adventures of Sgt. Prestleton of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police and His Wonder Dog Prince

Sergeant Prestleson of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and his wonder dog Prince sat around the campfire one night in the wilds of the Yukon. They'd spent the day, hot on the trail of the notorious bandit, Dangerous Dan McGroan. The clouds of stars lit the night sky. The companions ate beans. Wonder dog Prince eyed his friend as the Sergeant picked away at his dinner.

"You know, King," the Sgt. said, "Maybe I'd like to settle down someday soon, maybe get married and raise some children."

King stopped gulping his beans.

"I really like that new school marm in Whitehorse. She's the kind of woman I can imagine marrying."

King snorted.

"She's got beautiful eyes..."

"Sarge," King said. "Are you crazy?"

The sergeant beamed. "King, you spoke!"

"Yeah, I spoke. Remember... Wonder Dog, I can speak... You know all this."

"Of course," the man said. "It's just you keep quiet for such long periods, I just get surprised."

"Yeah, well," said the dog. "Get over it and think. The school marm? Those eyes of hers are colored contacts. And didn't you notice she's kind of cross-eyed. Makes her look goofy."

"No, never really noticed it," the man said. "She's got a beautiful smile..."

"False teeth," said the dog.

"Nice figure..."

"Silicone."

The sergeant blushed. "Nice legs..."

"One of them is wooden."

"Great personality..."

"Prozac."

The sergeant grabbed a stick and poked at the fire. "Why are you so hard on this woman?" Prestleton asked. "I find her very attractive and I like her."

"She's been married three times."

"Stop!" said Prestleton.

"What's the problem?" the dog asked. "I just think you could do better."

Sgt. Prestleton sighed. "But I like this woman."

King shook his head, then returned to gulping his beans.

"You know the difference between a can of beans and a mind?" the sergeant asked.

"Now, you want to play riddles?"

"Just listen," the man said. "The difference between a can of beans and a mind is that when you open the can of beans, they spoil in a day or two. But an open mind never goes bad."

The Wonder dog returned to his plate of beans. Silent now.

And, under the stars, with the moon shining overhead, and the hooting of owls in the distance, Sgt. Prestleton sang this lullabye.

There is no train

To take you away

There is no train

You won't be leaving

There is no train

to take you away

I will greet you

in the morning

No more tears

No more pain

No more fears

There is no train

There is no train

to take you away

Time for dreams

You'll not be roaming